thinking always that I must protect the rest from what im really thinking i never tell the truth...always have been afraid of their thinking about what i am thinking was thinking and felt deep deep inside but am beginning to think that i must be honest with my shadow always stalking he is always there always round the corner must be true to some one thing even though ill never embrace that shadow? shouldnt i be...that. true. to him her it.

can one ever embrace another. is this done...am thinking no not me cant do this thing can never open wide to show that wound thats deep and sore...no...no love can twist that arm. no touching there. ever.

and is this fair I SHOUT NO FUCKING WAY ITS NOT!!! but whats the point to rail against this given this lot thats come so crashing down...no point no point...could never understand the beating of heads against a wall what point to that i say...better to grab those marbles slowly slowly lift them all and move away...so futile that pounding and no one listens anyway. futile. yes. anyway.

so now a a daughter is in pain and wonders how shes come to this and that...why me she says what have i done to bring this down where was my father where was he is he...father. where.

and that father what says he you say...he wonders too whats happening happened and thinks thank god he never borne a woman was...