"Off times a heaviness steels over my limbs. My eyes close and I view a blackeness speckled as if by innumerable white dots. My arms, my legs are gone. I am beyond myself, outside the shell and totally objective in my appraisal of the human form."

death you say do not despair how come this is when there have never been any answers how come to keep swinging from tree to thread how, how come to live for others when my father died for his wife did not choose to live for me...

left he did gone no more standing tall smelling of smoke and clean hair no more...alone he was but still he left me lonelier he didn't choose to stay and watch the children grow no, no he left to go where he had no idea... his heart was gone barren hollow and nothing from the outside could he bear to touch he left, he left me and I am bitter some nerve he had did he?

do not despair you say but why show me a reason... can one really live for another no, one can not, for tiring heavy fruitless activity bears you/me down right yes indeed it does...so one must have an answer a key a reason a cause a flag to wave high above or else there is no point no reason to spend this life as actor masked kibuki-like all painted primed made-up so tight that the inside dies out.

do i care, no, i dont i only want the justification some one zap me tap me can be god even just come down and rap me on the shoulder boy oh boy am i ready... i would prove to be a mighty prophet if just once a miracle would touch this lowly wanderer oh yeah come on i dare you dare you dare any one any thing any god creature devil farce anything to reach out AT&T-like to tap my shoulder...

oh yes i would die for that sure would but never so far has happened and never will cause i am my own god and there is no other nothing nada zip zero no one but me...i hold the thread and if i choose can cut it sharp the anchor gone and i will float yep just float away for sure but from what to what answer me that!

cloud dancers spirits whispers chimes they ring around me rosyo how come i say and you cannot answer ever except to say its not right not right to leave no good this is no excuse for sure we both know that...

joy? there never was enough so who to fault...the things that ought to matter don't the things that do should not says you. different doesnt matter cause i matter and you dont except to you i wish this wasnt so but sure seems so to me.

i have traveled far and done some deeds dipped in many pools so what? a seeker am and always will be seeking for what? who cares its not the what that fuels me i know that but something does and i cant even see the furnace only know the fire is hot.

so never tell me never cause i dont believe and no ones proven different but you can smile cause i am me and you are not so sick so down so sunken...well i praise you on your ledge though be careful where you shuffle cause the thinking will for sure do you/me in and dont forget the children cause those guys have the sharpest knives.